My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize