You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
