Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
