On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
