I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Randomize
