someone get that fucking seahorse.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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