he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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