i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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