I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
