I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
