It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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