You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
