I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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