What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
