Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
