Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
