D3 body, D1 cock
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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