I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
