I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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