The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
