Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
