i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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