Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
