Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
