He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
