the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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