He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
time to smoke my breakfast
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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