ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
