OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
