my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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