Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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