So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
