tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
barbara walters just said penis...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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