i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
