I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
