i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
