so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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