my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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