I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
