You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
