I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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