Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
