you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
