the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
