its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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