yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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