My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
