come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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