So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
