is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
