Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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