problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
