Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
