Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
