This is not my ceiling
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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