We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
