Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize