So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
