Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
