she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
