i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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