A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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