My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
