Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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