I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
