Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
