Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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