don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
