I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
