I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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