His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
