They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
