Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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