never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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