New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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