its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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